super generic girl

the awesomely average life of a girl like all others


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This pain in the knee is a pain in the ass

The doctor didn't make me get an x-ray so this'll have to do. It's adapted from the source of all knowledge, Wikipedia. Note: not my real gluteus.

The doctor didn’t make me get an x-ray so this’ll have to do. It’s adapted from the source of all knowledge, Wikipedia. Note: not my real gluteus.

After ten days of self-diagnosis and scaring myself with imaginary surgeries, I decided to do what everyone else had been pestering advising me to do and went to the doctor this morning. Nothing fancy, just my good old GP.

The knee that has been hurting to the point of driving me to tears for 10 straight days decided to stop hurting for pretty much the exact amount of time I spent in the doctor’s office. When the doctor started bending my leg and asked me to tell him when it started hurting, it never actually did. “If you had done that just yesterday, it would have hurt a lot, I swear” I assured him. Mmm Hmm.

My doctor is a fine kiwi chap. On my first ever visit, I remember he told me I was never going to make him rich. Silly man didn’t think I’d get into running, obviously.

I was his first appointment this morning and he welcomed me in a t-shirt, shorts and jandals. Almost five years in New Zealand should have made me blind to this but I can’t help finding it different. Different-good, of course. Different-bad if he accidentally stabbed his toe with <insert name for sharp object found in doctor’s office here because I didn’t go to medical school and, worse, never watched Grey’s Anatomy so don’t know the names of any of those things>. My point is that his relaxed outfit reflects his relaxed attitude. I’d normally worry about something like that, but when I asked him about how long I should go without running for, his answer was something like “you can run when it stops hurting. If you really have to run, try to do it on softer surfaces instead of concrete”. Translated into obsessive runner’s English, he basically ordered me to hit the trails this weekend. Doctor’s orders.

Anyway. He has a bunch of books with images just like the one above (minus my edits, so not quite as insightful as this one) and he touched my knee in a bunch of different places so I suppose he probably knows what he’s talking about. He’s convinced this is ITB syndrome. Iliotibial Band Syndrome, because he called it the proper stuff.

Sounds fancy. Also, kind of validating as far as injuries go. Look at me all real runner with a proper runner’s injury. But also, ouch. According to the fountain of all 21st century knowledge, Wikipedia, here’s what’s going on south of the muffin tops:

The iliotibial band is a superficial thickening of tissue on the outside of the knee, extending from the outside of the pelvis, over the hip and knee, and inserting just below the knee. The band is crucial to stabilizing the knee during running, moving from behind the femur to the front while walking. The continual rubbing of the band over the lateral femoral epicondyle, combined with the repeated flexion and extension of the knee during running may cause the area to become inflamed. (source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iliotibial_band_syndrome)

So, really, ew.

I was told to keep icing it, keep taking Voltaren, advised to add Voltaren gel to the equation (because I’m not giving those guys enough money already) and stretch every day (every day? Like, seriously? People stretch every day?). I left the office before he had time to mention the foam roller so that’s my full list of recommendations. My jandal-wearing kiwi doctor also told me that I could do physiotherapy if I wanted to but, for this sort of thing, he finds that “it just doesn’t do much and it’s a real pain in the ass having to go to the sessions”.

After describing a potential treatment as “a pain in the ass”, he told me I could go home and Google more stuff about ITB syndrome to find out more. I like that my doctor openly tells me to look stuff up on the internet. He doesn’t realise I skim it for information on every little pain or itch and always end up dreading amputation.

congratulations-googling-way-get-well-ecard-someecards

So far so good, though, I may just be able to keep both of my legs and, here’s the real shocker, this knee might actually heal completely. I’m looking forward to being reminded of what it feels like to walk properly.

(I know you’re all incredibly smart people but I read an article today about a woman trying to sell her kids on Facebook to pay for her boyfriend’s bail so, you know, the world is kind of full of idiots. Which is why I need to add to the bottom of this post that no one should ever, ever, ever, under any circumstance, take medical advice from me. Ever. Take advice from my jandal-wearing doctor and Google your pains away. No, really. Don’t.)


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A list of stuff I’ve done recently that doesn’t matter because it wasn’t running

Day 8 of not running. But who’s counting, eh?

Me! That’s who.

If I wasn’t so lazy and numbers didn’t bore me so much, I’d tell you how many hours it’s been since I last ran. It’s a pretty big number, I know that much.

The good news is that I haven’t killed anybody. The bad news is that I apparently woke up screaming in pain in the middle of last night thanks to my knee. It seems that, when I’m asleep, I have a tendency for drama. Luckily I don’t remember any of this in the morning.

It’s been a pretty uneventful week, to say the least. I’ve been limping my way to and from work and didn’t stray very far from the bed on the weekend either. But the fact that nothing is going on doesn’t stop me from giving you a really long and detailed update on all the nothing that’s been happening. All the hours that I would normally have spent running on a regular week have now been filled with other activities. So let’s recap. Over the last week, instead of running, I:

– Complained about how much my knee hurts.

– Got a full-body massage and fixed the back and neck pains that the marathon had caused.

– Went to a rock concert hours later and got some of those problems back, as well as adding “ears” to the list of sore body parts.

– Told everyone about the marathon (I swear I’ll shut up, people. One day. But really, a marathon!)

– Complained about how much my knee hurts.

– Iced my knee

I bothered with the towel in the beginning but now I just put the peas right onto my knee. I switch between different frozen vegetables to shake things up a little, since I'm basically ALWAYS icing my knee these days. I'm doing it right now, in fact. And you can't even tell from there! Such an exciting life.

I bothered with the towel in the beginning but now I just put the peas right onto my knee. I switch between different frozen vegetables to shake things up a little, since I’m basically ALWAYS icing my knee these days. I’m doing it right now, in fact. And you can’t even tell from there! Such an exciting life.

– Kept whichever pharmaceutical company manufactures Voltaren in business.

– Kept track of how many days I’ve gone without running

– Expected everyone to compliment me on the fact that I haven’t punched any of them even though I’m clearly two steps away from complete madness due to not being able to run.

– Talked some more about the marathon. Did I mention I ran a marathon?

– Iced my knee

– Read about running

Reading this book hasn't been helping much in the way of containing my rage. I WANT TO RUN! But I can't even go one step beyond where I am right now without limping.

Reading this book hasn’t been helping much in the way of containing my rage. I WANT TO RUN! But I can’t even go one step beyond where I am right now without limping.

– Made sure everyone in a 10km radius knew I’d run a marathon. Like, really, it was an entire freaking marathon!

– Slept in until 10:20 on a Saturday and 10 on a Sunday instead of getting up before the cat in order to run. So much free time, what do you guys do with it?

– Avoided the foam roller even though everyone tells me it’s the best thing since sliced bread (but they also add it hurts like hell and sliced bread doesn’t so that’s -10 points for the foam roller, +10 points for bread I don’t need to slice myself).

– Iced my knee

– Kept track of how many days it’s been since I last ran. Eight entire freaking days, and counting, in case you’d forgotten.

– Hung out with the cat more than the cat wishes I would

That's her "this is the longest this idiot has spent trying to play with me" face. I'm afraid there's plenty more to come, Zara! I haven't even told you all about my marathon yet!

That’s her “this is the longest this idiot has spent trying to play with me” face. I’m afraid there’s plenty more to come, Zara! I haven’t even told you all about my marathon yet!

– Signed up for half marathons (one of them less than a week from today) because making running plans is the only thing keeping me from absolute madness.

– Avoided the foam roller some more

– Drank beer

– Limped

– Faced the foam roller. Didn’t die. Not sure it helped either. Kinda meh. Stay tuned for more exciting updates, as soon as I can be bothered driving to the gym to use that thing again.

– Ate everything in sight. Fact: marathons will make you hungry.

You know how some people save special wines for special occasions? I do that with breakfast cereal. This box of cinnamon-flavoured cereal travelled from Portugal to New Zealand with me last October. I saved it for a celebration. Running a marathon qualified as special enough.

You know how some people save special wines for special occasions? I do that with breakfast cereal. This box of cinnamon-flavoured cereal travelled from Portugal to New Zealand with me last October. I saved it for a celebration. Running a marathon qualified as special enough.

– Realised that signing up for a half marathon in less than a week’s time was probably what some might call a “mistake”. By some, I mean every sane person on Earth.

– Iced my knee

– Got the Ice Ice Baby song stuck in my head

– Got excited about being able to take 10 steps without pain, only to realise the pain is back and the next 10 steps are going to be agony

– Researched post marathon blues on the internet and found out that they’re a thing. But, fear not, there are cures.

– Drank wine

Two different types of wine. There have been more. I don't complain so much about this part. Post-marathon hydration is important.

Two different types of wine. There have been more. I don’t complain so much about this part. Post-marathon hydration is important.

– Dropped the marathon into every possible conversation. You have an iPhone? That’s cool. That’s the one with the Apple-shaped logo, isn’t it? Fruit is awesome. I had a banana before I ran a marathon last week.

– Complained about how much my knee hurts.

– Bragged about the marathon.

You guys. My knee hurts. Like, really, it’s time it stops hurting now. I’ve narrowed it down to 3 things: runner’s knee, ITB syndrome or gangrene. Just kidding. Don’t look it up on Google Images. Oh, you just had to, didn’t you? That’s gross.

Anyway, it’s probably one of the first two. Before you tell me that I should go see my doctor, I know. I know. I’ll get onto it soon. Give it another day or two. Don’t make me admit that I’m really terrified the doctor is going to tell me I can’t run for a month or two. Heads will roll and probably not just in a metaphorical overly dramatic way.

Because have I mentioned it’s been 8 days since I last ran?

But also, I ran a marathon eight days ago. So there’s that.