A surprisingly large number of people arrive at this little magical corner of the internet by searching for a training plan to help them prepare for a half marathon in two weeks time, which is crazy because I have no advice to give to anyone on anything, other than perhaps some tips on what ingredients can/should have chocolate sauce on top (answer: all of them). Anyway, search terms. This week, so far, for example:

My thoughts on each of the people who came here after searching for something similar to the above?

Two weeks to train for a half marathon sounds a little crazy to me so I look at those searches and I judge. Silly people, thinking two weeks is enough. Two weeks is nothing. Even if you’ve run before and half marathons aren’t that big a deal (although, considering you’re searching for a training plan, I think it’s fair to assume you feel like you need some guidance), two weeks is too short to properly train for anything that you’re so convinced you need to train for you even Google training plans for it.

So, hmm, yeah. Two week training plan, bad idea. Funny story: this morning, there was an email in my inbox. It was from the organisers of an event I apparently signed up for a month or so ago. They’re wondering whether I’m planning on walking or running the half marathon, as I apparently didn’t specify that in the form and they’re in the process of posting out the bibs to entrants. I quick hit reply and let them know I’m planning to run it, then opened a new tab and typed in the event’s website to remind myself when it was.

April 21st. Two weeks away.

For those who arrive here using those search terms I mentioned above, hi. Picture me cleaning up the egg off my face (I’d search for a suitable gif but I think I’ve reached my gif quote for this post). I’m one of you. And I have no clue either.

I guess only one piece of advice comes to mind, and I’m not too sure it counts as a training plan per se but… let’s hope for the best and plan things properly next time, alright?

To all the other sane people who arrive here by searching for other stuff, sorry about the lack of naked Ryan Gosling pictures. Also, any advice on how to train for a half marathon in two weeks is appreciated.

Thanks.

(On the plus side, knee pain update #589357: no knee pain. I’ve run on 7 out of the last 9 days. Short runs but, nevertheless, pain-free runs. You may very well never hear me complain about my knee again. Success!)