Runners say some pretty crazy stuff and I don’t judge non-runners for giving us weird looks and thinking we’re not really all there. We accept it, the weirdness comes with the awesomeness. But life would be a little easier if those who choose not to run weren’t so full of advice and stupid questions for runners.
In the hope of ensuring that we all remain friendly and I never have to throw my running water bottle at anyone’s face, let’s all agree that certain things shall never be said to runners ever again, okay? In no particular order, since they’re all equally enraging:
1. You ran a marathon? How many kilometers was it?
A marathon is 42km (or 26.2miles, depending on where in the world you are). The marathon distance is general knowledge and you wouldn’t go past $5 on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire without knowing that one. Don’t ever ask me that again. Ever.
2. Did you win?
I’m a recreational runner. If I get a personal best, that’s winning. Hell, if I finish, that’s winning.
(and no, I didn’t win. Thanks for making me feel like a loser)
3. Yeah, I know how you feel after your marathon. I jogged for half an hour yesterday and my legs are killing me today.
No, you most certainly do not know how I feel. I can’t even begin to describe how much you do not know how I feel. Instead I’m just going to wobble away from you so you don’t have to see the rage in my eyes.
4. I enter a marathon every year. It’s really not bad. The last one I did was a 5km along the beach.
A 5KM RUN IS NOT A MARATHON. A 10KM RUN IS NOT A MARATHON. A 20KM RUN IS NOT A MARATHON. Refer to the first point on this list for information on the marathon distance and stop bragging about having done something you have never actually done.
5. I don’t even like driving that far!
I’m glad you’re laziness makes you proud. Actually no, I’m not. It’s nothing to be proud of.
6. You shouldn’t run so much, you’re going to ruin your knees!
Please refer to this and then proceed to shut the hell up.
7. I’d love to get into running but I just don’t have the time.
I wrote about this a while ago here too. The assumption that I’ve got less going on in my life because I make time for running is rude and hinting at that makes you a bit of an asshole.