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Motivational quotes don’t get me motivated and summer brings out all the idiots

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Buzzfeed got a bunch of fitspo qotes and fixed them. All the others are here

Buzzfeed got a bunch of fitspo qotes and fixed them. All the others are here.

I’ve ran a grand total of 5 painful kilometers in the last week and a half so, naturally, it’s time to get my rant on.

I’ve been doing what I can to be a good runner and look after my injured leg. And what I can do is not run. Except not running is turning me into a miserable bitch so it’s basically been a choice between a leg that moves painlessly and a brain that isn’t subconsciously working out ways to hurt other people.

Fun times, you guys.

This is all being made even harder because of the timing of this whole injury thing. I’m not just talking about the events I’m supposed to be training for (I’ve got a relay in a month’s time and, at this stage, I’d need a relay team of 24 people just to run to the bakery across the road from home). There’s more.

You see, this weekend is Auckland Marathon weekend. Naturally, people are excited. Excited people talk about things that make them excited. Excited people talking about things that make them excited expect their excitement to be met with excitement too. Getting excited about marathons is hard when you have limbs threatening to crack.

(That said: go you good things! I’ll be cheering for you from wherever I am, probably sitting down feeling sorry for myself.)

Lesson: If you’re going to get a running injury, don’t get a running injury while everyone around you is excited about their marathon.

Also, the weather is getting warmer, which would be great if I wasn’t hating on everything right now. Like all “lifestyle” articles popping up about getting in shape for summer. Nicer weather has brought a bunch of seasonal runners out to the streets, those “trying to get in shape for Summer” types. Regular running Vera would find that pretty cool, yay for people focusing on themselves! Injured-no-running-hates-everything Vera sees them as she drives past on her way home to put ice on her leg and wants to yell at them to get their stinky running shoes off her reserve.

And yes, I judge you if you’re running around the park because Summer is coming and you want to look good on the beach. I judge people who talk about getting ready for “bikini season” because that’s the type of superficial crap that doesn’t help anyone make any permanent change that’ll actually make them feel better about themselves.

The other day, the lady who comes to sell sandwiches at lunchtime asked why I wasn’t buying a cookie with my sandwich. Before I had time to explain to her that I’d been sent some chocolate that I’d been working on all morning, she told me “probably for the best, Summer is coming!” and since I don’t understand why my cookie intake is in any way more related to the change of seasons than to the phases of the moon or changes in tides, I went ahead and bought the stupid cookie anyway.

(Maybe that was her plan all along? Well played, lunch lady, well played.)

The “getting fit for Summer” thing annoys me more than I care to explain. As a side-effect of trying to fit into a bikini that is not their size, some people will get a bit fitter. But fitness is a consequence they’re not even thinking about. They want the thigh gap and the flat stomach that doesn’t hang over their bikini bottoms. Once Summer is over, they won’t see a reason for their gym membership anymore. So their excuse to be out there running around my reserve while I have to go home and cry about how I can’t run is actually pretty stupid. Also, your leg doesn’t hurt and mine does so, naturally, I want you dead.

(I warned you I was bitchy.)

Lesson: If you’re going to get a running injury, get a running injury during Winter, when most people don’t really give two shits about working out either.

To top things off nicely, I’m less than two weeks away from making a pretty massive life change that, on the plus side, will involve the possibility of never having to speak to people again but, on the other hand, will involve the possibility of never having to speak to people again. It’s equal parts exciting and terrifying and, if history has taught me anything, is that I don’t deal very well with drastic changes, even ones I want to make (you’d be nodding along right about now if you’d seen me in the first couple of months of living in New Zealand). I’d usually cope with stress by running it all off but, instead, I’m coping with stress the only other way I know how to: by writing about how much not running is making me hate everything.

Lesson: If you’re going to get a running injury, don’t do it when you’re about to start freelancing from home and you’re so stressed about that life change it actually makes you want to vomit.

I’m finally off to get my xray today. In the meantime, I’ll be staying away from fitness websites for a while because motivational quotes are starting to drive me insane. No, internet, I most definitely should not be running right now. And I’d really appreciate if you stopped trying to make me feel like crap about that.

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15 thoughts on “Motivational quotes don’t get me motivated and summer brings out all the idiots

  1. Well you’re going to be fun to be around on Saturday when we’re all talking about our races then aren’t you… Haha. Can’t wait to meet you (although I already feel like I know you – stalker much?!?).

  2. 4 weeks before my goal race, I’m sitting here injured, in precisely the same way I was 4 weeks before my last big goal race, BUT reading this was good and made me feel marginally better. Bravo! And I’ve totally been giving random runners evil glares, and reacting uncharitably to…other people…in general. (Touched on that in an old blog too http://runningtuff.wordpress.com/2013/03/11/100-0-lame/).
    Hope you get the injury sussed quick!

  3. Yup -bunged my knee last Saturday morning doing a trial-timed-run from Devonport to Smales Farm. Oh joy. So, with you on the bitchy-can’t-run-didn’t-realise-how-good-running-was-for-my-mental-health-until-I-stopped trip. Delightful physio thinks it’s still all on for the half marathon on Sundy :) Thank you for making me laugh and sorry it was at your expense, although it wasn’t really, it was more laughing with you than at you! Good luck for the X-ray. Hopefully the radiation with turn you in to super running girl again!

  4. I sympathise and feel your pain. You’re always welcome to come swimming or cycling with me. Quite happy to make you see the light and become a triathlete. :-)

    Hopefully the xray doesnt show anything, and we can enforce rule #5 (velominati rules)

  5. Hear hear!

    I agree about motivational quotes!
    I agree about getting fit for summer…what is the point of only being fit in the summer??

    Over here it is getting colder and wetter and my 5k on saturday was so soggy that me feet squelched, but I manages to achieve my goal of not coming last :-D

    I hope you recover soon!
    you are doing the right thing (speaking as someone who didn’t do the right thing and danced (badly because it hurt) through a torn muscle and nearly ate the world’s supply of ibruprophen…

  6. “How to get a beach body: 1. Put on bikini. 2. Go to the beach.”

    I hate being laid up with injury almost as much as I hate these freaking awful fitspo quotes that are taking over the internet! Hope the xray reveals happy things.

    This is my first year in three or four that I’m not running any of the Auckland marathon events. It’s a weird feeling. I’m totally going to sleep in on Sunday morning and eat a giant breakfast.

  7. This sounds just like me about 2 months ago. Injury and no running sucks and there isn’t a well intended friend, blogger or quote that is going to change that. Oh and judging runners when I can’t run? Most definitely. Well, maybe not judging. My thinking is that if I can’t run then nobody should run. On the bright side. My husband and kids didn’t move into a hotel during my recovery :)

    And another thing. Doesn’t it seem like there are more running stickers on cars, runners on the road and people running or training for a marathon when you CAN’T run? Seriously!

  8. Yuck!! Sorry about the injury. But at least you have your charm and wit to get you through ;) great honest post and I hope you heal quickly and can get back to doing what you love soon!!

  9. loved your little post, quite honest, direct and comical as well, touche’

  10. Of course I have nothing running related to add or nod along too but gosh yes, that bakery across from you is rather good isn’t it? Good luck for the xray!

  11. Oh thank God I’m not alone in these thoughts! Thanks for voicing them :) When I was injured and couldn’t run, I’d stand in my kitchen giving people running past my house the evil eye, trying to will them to trip over. And I got really peeved with the sudden influx of runners on Tamaki Drive when they had the Powerade challenge going on. Get off my footpath, posers!!

    It was really nice to meet you today, I hope it goes well for you tomorrow :) Might see you around!

  12. Bitchyness understood! I get super cranky when I can’t workout in some way shape or form, so I understand the struggle. I hope everything goes well with your x-ray and when you feel like murdering people for their perkiness just think how much more time would be taken away from your running if you were locked up in jail- that thought always helps me.

  13. Sweet ! (That’s kiwi for good isn’t it?) I agree with you wholeheartedly about motivational quotes. They are such bollocks. Bad luck with the injury, I hope you’re running full tilt again soon.

  14. Don’t promise when you’re happy, Don’t reply when you’re angry, and don’t decide when you’re sad

    thank you,

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