super generic girl

the awesomely average life of a girl like all others

I could totally be a morning runner if mornings started at 11am

24 Comments

A friend of mine succumbed to my constant nagging and took up running a while ago. Great news, right?

Yeah. For him.

Every morning, EVERY SINGLE GOD DAMN MORNING, I get to hear him tell me all about the glorious runs that he goes on before going to work, giving me the opportunity to scratch “feel like a complete loser” off my to do list before I’ve even had the chance to properly wake up.

notcranky

Since I apparently hate money, we also somehow had this stupid bet going for a couple of weeks, which involved seeing whether I could make it out of bed for a morning run like him. For every day that I failed, I had to buy him a hot chocolate so of course that meant he got a whole bunch of free hot chocolates (which, according to him, tasted like victory and marshmallows), since not even the thought of having to spend yet another $4 on hot chocolate that I don’t even get to drink was enough to get my ass out of bed.

Luckily he took pity on me and the bet came to an end before I had to start digging any further into my life savings so my future children are safe (and by future children I mean my future 10 cats).

His enthusiastic running reports, however, haven’t ended. Every morning, while I struggle not to throw my hot cup of coffee at his face out of pure jealousy (I know, I think I’m delightful too), I tell myself that one of these days I, too, like any other proper human being, will be able to get out of bed and run before work and then I, too, will be able to stand around the office kitchen telling people about how I’ve been up for hours getting stuff done, instead of getting showered, ready and out of the door in a grand total of about 13 minutes.

Two nights ago, I took extreme measures to make sure there was absolutely no possible way in hell I’d be standing there the next morning, once again, quietly admitting defeat. Here’s a list of what I did to ensure my morning run plan would be successful:

  • I slept in my running clothes.
  • I placed my running shoes carefully by the side of the bed, right where I could see them from my pillow.
  • I put my phone-slash-alarm clock away on top of a chest of drawers instead of on my bedside table, to force me to get up to turn it off in the morning.
  • I changed the alarms to louder, more annoying ringtones, and added really mean self-bullying written messages to show up on the screen every time the alarm went off.
  • I had my running watch and iPod right on my bedside table so they could be the first things I’d see.
  • I left the curtains slightly open so that, if the first few alarms failed to wake me up, I’d at least get up around sunrise and have time for a 5k.
  • I didn’t even read before bed and instead just turned the light off and tried to go the hell to sleep straight away.

It was the perfect plan. There was just no way it could fail.

Fast forward a few (not enough) hours, and the stupid alarm was going off. I dragged myself out of bed, turned it off, noticed I was wearing running clothes, remembered my absolutely fail-proof plan, thought “screw that” and went back to sleep.

So tell me, internet, you with all the answers: what the fresh hell is wrong with me?

It can’t be laziness because I will happily jump out of bed at 5am on a weekend for a long run. Also, I once sat through an entire Nicole Kidman movie and didn’t even try to kill myself so I know I’m tough, I know I’ve got what it takes. So what’s my mental block with runs before work? WHAT THE HELL IS IT? And what do you do to get your butt out of bed for mid-week runs? Did you have to replace your mattress with a bed of nails? Because maybe, just maybe, that’d work for me!

For now, I think I’m just going to finally let go of years of failed attempts at this whole morning run business. It’s obviously not for me and, frankly, if enjoying my warm bed in the morning is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

8920016I_Am_Not_a_Morning_Person

Just kidding. I totally want to be right. All the time.

I sort of made up for it a little bit by packing up my running gear and finally going back to the Adidas running club that I hadn’t been to in months. That one is in the afternoon so it’d be hard to come up with an excuse not to go, after the morning’s spectacular failure. I punished myself by running way faster than my chocolate-fueled body can take at the moment and finished the 5km run feeling like my internal organs were trying to squeeze themselves out of my body via my throat. I’m no doctor but I’d say this is a less than desired state of affairs for someone who’s supposed to be training for an ultramarathon. Still, afternoon running is better than no running and I’m happy to report that, after boring the hell out of all of you with my excuses not to run, I’m back to putting some decent weekly mileage on my shoes.

In case you’re crazy enough to think I might not be a complete lost cause, do feel free to share your tricks to make mid-week morning runs a reality. I’ll have a good hard think about all of them, probably while I’m hitting the snooze button from the comfort of my bed.

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24 thoughts on “I could totally be a morning runner if mornings started at 11am

  1. “Victory and marshmallows!” Your bet was worth it just for that description of hot chocolate!

    I’m like you, don’t do the morning runs, even though intellectually it sounds like the best time to be a runner. I used to be able to do them occasionally, but only because I had a running buddy where we would agree to meet each other at an appointed time. If I’m left on my own, they don’t happen.

  2. Laughing so much as I am the same. The two ways I know I can get up are 1) if I am going to the gym to do a class (not running obviously) and 2) if I am meeting someone (rare)….. the number of days I say I am getting up to run mid week cannot be counted and yet I find it easy and actually love it on the weekend. Go figure.
    So I think my suggestion is to try arranging to meet that annoying co-worker to Run With Him hahahaha

  3. First of all, you are hilarious. This post was perfect in every little way. I’m afraid I can be of no help to you. Because while I have no problem setting that little alarm for the crack of a roosters butt to actually RACE – Lord help me if I try to do that any other time. I’ll be sure to keep following in case anyone else has insight ;)

  4. I think your problem (and mine) is weekdays. I couldn’t run on weekday mornings if my life depended on it. The thought of dragging my half-asleep self around for 5 or 10km before work is mostly unfathomable. I’ve managed to do it by naming my alarm ‘PERTH CITY TO SURF SUB-5. YOU HAVE TO EARN IT’. That usually gets me out of bed…

    WeekEND mornings, however, are a totally different question. I’m up and out the door for my long run and get back with breakfast before husband is even awake. I have no idea.

  5. This is absolutely hysterical. I have no sage advice because although I managed to get up every morning for a training run last summer this summer I cannot for the life of me drag my ass out of bed and get on the trail. The farthest I get is to my couch where I promptly pass out again, coffee in hand.

  6. Oh my gosh! We are so alike! I can get up super early on the weekends to get in a long run…but a weekday morning, Heck No! I am much more of an evening runner. Great for relieving the stress of the day.

  7. WHY? why get out of a nice warm bed with a wonderful dream about…… fill in own details, to run in wet, dark cold wheather. If you can get a run in later embrace your bad gollum and ENJOY. It will also save money buying hot chocs for others.

  8. Ha ha, I have tried the alarm over the other side of the room! I reckon I could probably sleep in my running shoes and still find an excuse not to run on a weekday morning! At least you are still getting out there for an afternoon/evening run, wish I could say the same at the moment.

  9. When you figure this out you need to let me know!! I have to run in the morning if I want to go to Bikram at night – so it’s a juggling act for sure!
    I’ve heard of people paying themselves but I’m trying to figure out how to get that to work — for now, I’ll reward myself with a good sandwich or a burger after getting in all my runs!

  10. Haha LOVED reading this, great writing style! I too am a total bed monster. I tried morning runs and work outs for a short period until I morphed into a cranky moody so-and-so so I think my desire and need to stay in bed is actually a GOOD thing :)

  11. This is the best post that I have read in ages!

    I’ve tried to get up early to run, to do work, etc. I just can’t. Since I currently have the luxury to make my own schedule 90% of the time, I go to bed when I am tired, get up when I am rested, and run when I feel like it. Of course, this means I get my runs done but I haven’t really been able to apply it to anything else.

  12. This is the best post ever on morning running. My husband who is married to a morning person but is not a morning person himself will love reading this!

  13. Running before work is for weirdos and losers, that’s not just because I also can’t drag my arse out of bed on a weekday to run, it’s just a fact!
    If I have to run in the mornings I’m still half asleep after the first mile, that definitely can’t be good, I get a much better workout after work so that’s got to be better for my running…. Also there’s the time factor, there are only so many miles you can run before work whereas after work you can keep going and going…
    I’m happy to get up early on a weekend to run but I have time for a cup of tea and to wake up properly!

  14. saw your post in SPA link love and so glad I checked it out :) added you to my feedly.. love it!!

  15. Okay, the EXACT same thing happened to me this morning… and about 5 other mornings in the last couple weeks! Dark:30am used to be so easy and now, oh lordy, it’s just NOT GONNA HAPPEN! I blame summer. Lack of motivation. It’s vacation, after all! 11am seems incredibly reasonable, 6:30am not so much!!!

  16. What helps me is to make plans to meet up with other people to run. I’m not likely to bail on another person at 0 dark 30. I wrote about this here http://eatprayrundc.com/2013/06/05/5-steps-to-turning-a-night-owl-into-a-morning-runner/ hope you can make the transition (if only to prove your coworker wrong!) :)

  17. I’ve given up the hope of being an early morning runner a long, long time ago. I just do it in the afternoons right when I get home. But days I don’t have to work? No problem getting moving in the morning! Go figure.
    ~Ang

  18. Maybe make a run date with a friend. That sense of responsibility that you’re meeting someone can help get you out of bed.

  19. You would totally hate me – I wake up at 4:30 with no alarm. I suck. I know. :)

  20. I’ve found that a wake light (Phillips brand) helps me – it starts off dim some amount of time before the alarm time (I have it set for 30 min) so by the time the alarm goes off, your melatonin production has dropped and that helps. Getting up at same time on each weekday helps (and as close to that as tolerable on the weekends). Being older may help – my alarm is set for 415, but I’m waking up at 345 a lot of days for no reason I know of except age/hormones!

    If you’re desperate and your stomach will take it, you could put a sugar-free red bull or something like that on ice next to the bed and chug it as soon as your eyes open. Maybe a quick hit of caffeine would help.

    It’s hard. I was a night person for most of my life. But I can’t run after work (blood sugar, timing) or at lunch so mornings it is. So much better to have it done first thing. It took a while to get to where I am now though, so plan it out in steps.

    You might find Predawn Runner’s site helpful – the third set of links down on this page especially.

    http://predawnrunner.com/about/start/

    Good luck!

  21. I can only enjoy running between 1pm and 4pm, which is a really specific timeframe and not conducive to holding down a job. I’m jealous of anyone who can bring themselves to run regularly AND work full-time.

    Sometimes I run after 4pm, but I’m mad about it.

  22. Pingback: A report on a week of morning runs for the love of pizza | super generic girl

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